ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
