Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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