Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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