I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
