I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
