it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
