evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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