dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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