Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
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My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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