she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Everyone says I win the strip club
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
