Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
