Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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