I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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