White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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