i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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