and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize