Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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