scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
