Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
