i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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