I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
