He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
