No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
