Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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