so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
