it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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