I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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