dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
