you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
