You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
