What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
