I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
