from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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