Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
