cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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