Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
