I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
