last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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