i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
