After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
soo... how was my night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
