Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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