I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
