I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
