Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
