Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
