Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
