Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
