3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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