We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
