3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
