The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
