What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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