Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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