he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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