I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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