Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
