Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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