Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
