i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
