apparently the secret to your success is patron
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
