Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
