Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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