last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
