We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
