TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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