using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
