; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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