I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
