i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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