Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
