My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
